So after my ex-boss ran off with two month of my pay, after I had zero account, after going through a miserable break up and professional downfall i stood up again without a scratch.
The new year brings Hope and Happiness.
The New Job is full filling so far.
The wedding events are entertaining.

Grateful and Looking forward to more Happiness :)

I am a lucid dreamer searching for reality.
Living in a fool's paradise...sleeping with my eyes open.
My dreams keep me alive. 
An illusion floating, along with others, in this make believe world of reality.
There is something beneath it all . . .its out of my reach. 
What is its shape? what is it made of? where does it start and end?
It is boiling, heating up and the steam is fogging my eyes.
When it cools down everything will be clear.
Breathe... gently...inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale... focus.
Eyes closed. . . the answers will come to me.
Drifting... in the middle of the ocean and there is a tear in the sail. It will heal on its own.
In time I will build an island for myself. I will take a stroll down the beach and think of the time of confusion and a smile will light up my lips gently.
I bend down by the pond and scoop some water up in my hands ...
it seeps through my fingers . . .drip drip, splash.
No matter how much I try I cant hold on to it. So I take off my shoes, my clothes, my vessel.
I dive in.
No need to take a handful when you have the choice to become one with it. 
I am taken away to the water fall where I disappear into the depths.
I can clearly see my self hovering above my body. 
I reach out to touch myself and feel nothing.
I burst into tiny specks of dust... Glittering, glowing, floating away. 
a speck floats and comes settles on my finger tip. 
It glows brightly like a million universe put together...that single, tiny particle.
I sigh in awe.
I blink.. .look around...Deep blue everywhere. 
Am I under water? 
But I feel so light. . . a certain calmness.
I taste the blue, yet taste nothing... neither water nor air. 
A cool buzz in the head. 
I blink again. 
I am real....again. . .I weep with a smile.

Red Alice